The Buffet

One of the ways to visit the neighbours in the local region is to get onboard a large boat and spend roughly 14 hours shopping and drinking until the ship bumps the shore line again.

Onboard this ship a multitude of restaurants can be found. It’s a modern day schlaraffenland with it’s roots in post-war (that’s Second World War) need. For decades it was the epitome of luxury, only comparable to an onboard flight meal.

Today it has mostly lost that status, ever since pizza and prosciutto found it’s way to these shores we have been spoiled by onshore food and drink options.

Despite this it is still a part of local tradition, a hedonistic ritual, perhaps stirring some tribal memories of pillaging Lindisfarne and conquering Normandie. It’s the pre-emptive feast in Odin’s hall, with Swedish meatballs for the kids; the feast you undertake while hopefully checking out any valkyries that might be hitting the onboard bars.

Few of these onboard traditions are as enduring as the buffet. For a sum that would get you a decent meal and a few glasses of wine in one of the other restaurants on board you can enter a no-limits palace of gluttony, an all-you can eat and drink cornucopia of dishes only limited by the two to three servings the travelers are divided amongst.

So, is it any good? you ask. The answer will be, it depends.

The ambiance is unavoidably one of McDonalds with a wider variety, unlimited booze and variable quality.

It starts off promising enough, with a good, even delicious variety of seafood. Different varieties of pickled herring, salmon dishes, roe and prawns. It’s enough to make you perk up and go “Yes, this is what my Viking blood is craving.” Paired with one of the good local lagers (all you can drink, yarrr) and an acceptable, relatively full bodied white wine, not great, but quaffable. You’ll feel set for the rest of the dishes.

There, however, is when it starts going downhill. You’ll find an assortment of cold cuts, some of which are perfectly nice. A beef tartare and a thinly sliced piece of marinated beef that weren’t bad at all. The red wine however, as usual, turned out to be a too fruity affair; and the vegan and vegetarian alternatives on offer were enough to make any herbivore weep, and not from joy.

Moving on to the main courses, there was a dried out piece of cod, almost tasteless; on the meat side, a too rare piece of steak with a dubious béarnaise and a spare rib that, for some reason, gave me associations to glue. At least there’s unlimited booze.

For dessert; yes, I went for dessert as well, it’s all you can eat for fuck’s sake, there was a chocolate mousse that reminded me of those you could buy pre-made in my childhood. It’s not my Madeleine. A concoction of crushed nuts best avoided. How do you fail at nuts? A not-horrible pastry with lingonberries and three edible, but not awesome cheeses. Strawberries, did I mention those? Perfectly ok.

That’s about it. There are more dishes, but everything vegetarian is best left unmentioned.

So, is it worth it? Honestly, it depends. This one wasn’t the best, and I’ve done crossings where the buffet was better. If you’re on a boat with the inspired kitchen and you’re smart enough to stick to the pickled herring, prawns, roe, smoked salmons, cold cuts and lager, you could have an all-you-can-eat dinner with decent, possibly excellent, seafood and meat dishes.

If you’re expecting the main courses or the wine to be brilliant, you’ll be disappointed and had better choose one of the à la carte restaurants on board.

So why go? Because it’s the buffet, for fuck’s sake!